I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Your penis caused this!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
