they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
