This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize