i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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