I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
