Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
