What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
