I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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