I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I need water and some morals
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
