We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
if only i could text you this smell
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize