I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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