he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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