No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
