is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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