rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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