We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
