I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
