Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
