I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
