yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
