The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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