Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
