dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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