You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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