I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
