It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
