I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
