Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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