the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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