the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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