Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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