If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
