There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
