I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
