Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
