so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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