I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
