Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
