I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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