The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
