So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He's a Shit stain on my heart
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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