I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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