Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
