Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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