i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
