I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
