I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
