This is not my ceiling
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Randomize