BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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