You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
