We got so high we made milksteak
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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