I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
