Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
