OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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