you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
