im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
