every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
