You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
