i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
