So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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