Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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