i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
