i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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