Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize