Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
