you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
