she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
home. puking in laundry basket.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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