did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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