I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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